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I would like to start with a humble warning, that this will be a longer than "usual" post. Hopefully, it will compensate with the amount of information you might deem as interesting. :)

After finishing my first journey into the world of colors in football, by counting which teams play in red & black color combination, I decided to pursue my next curiosity:
How many football teams in the world play in unusual colors?
By this, I was thinking of teams which have a “main” color that is rarely used (grey, brown, purple, pink, etc.) or use an uncommon color combination.
Because of this coronavirus madness that is going on, I was able to spend more hours for this project than I planned, so in the end I was able to go into almost every single league in the world. I checked teams from over 400 divisions, of different tiers, from all continents. Although it’s not an official list, I tried to include as many clubs as possible on it.
Now, you're probably asking yourself "How do you measure how rare or how common is in football a color / combination of colors?"
An exact answer is impossible to give, so I started the study using my own experience as a football supporter, finally finding an useful purpose for the thousands of hours spent on watching football games. Therefore, I used a subjective point of view and excluded the color combinations that I, personally, considered to be the most common in football teams, namely:

One-color kits: white, black, red, blue, yellow, green
Most 2-color combinations that contain white or black: white-blue, white-red, black-yellow, black-green, etc.
Other combinations: red-blue, red-yellow, blue-yellow, yellow-green.
An exception was the color orange, where I excluded only the orange+black combination, which is much more widespread than all other combinations that include orange.

The selection criteria for the teams were as follows:

The team should have their main kit in colors which are different than the ones enumerated above;
The team must have played or been associated with the colors for several seasons;
The team should be currently active (dissolved clubs were not included).

But enough introduction, let’s jump straight into the list of the most uncommon kit colors in the world of football:

CATEGORY I - Teams with 1 main color

1. Purple (includes purple+white or purple+black) - [73 clubs]
Notable teams: Fiorentina, Anderlecht, Toulouse, Austria Vienna, Real Valladolid.
Other teams (by conference):
UEFA (photo gallery here) - CE Carroi (Andorra), SV Austria Salzburg, Austria Klagenfurt (Austria), K Beerschot VA (Belgium), Etar Veliko Tarnovo (Bulgaria), NK Dubrava (Croatia), Daventry Town FC (England), Istres (France), VfL Osnabrück, Erzgebirge Aue (Germany), Ujpest, Békéscsaba 1912, Kecskemet TE (Hungary), ACD Legnano, AS Ostia Mare, Gioiese, Casoria Calcio 1979 (Italy), St. Andrews FC (Malta), FC Argeș, ASU Politehnica Timișoara, ACS Poli Timișoara (Romania), FK Graficar (Serbia), KFC Komarno (Slovakia), NK Maribor (Slovenia), Real Jaen, Alameda de Osuna EF, CD Becerril, Atletico Guadalajara, CD Guadalajara, CD Liendo, CD Santurtzi, CD Palencia, La Baneza (Spain) (Spain), Afjet Afyonspor, Hacettepe, Orduspor (Turkey).
Rest of the World (photo gallery here):

COMNEBOL - Club Villa Dalmine, Sacachispas FC, Club Atlético Quiroga (Argentina), Deportes Concepcion, San Antonio Unido (Chile) Defensor Sporting, CA Fenix (Uruguay), Metropolitanos FC (Venezuela).
CONCACAF - Orlando City, Louisville City FC, Oakland County FC (USA), Pacific FC (Canada), CD Chalatenango (El Salvador).
CAF - Mountain of Fire and Miracles FC (Nigeria), Mbeya City FC (Tanzania), AS Denguele Foot (Ivory Coast), Fovu Baham FC (Cameroon), AS Sonabel (Burkina Faso).
AFC - FC Anyang (South Korea), Kyoto Sanga, Sanfrecce Hiroshima, Fujieda MYFC (Japan), Heilongjiang Lava Spring (China), Hanoi FC (Vietnam), Nagaworld FC (Cambodia), Persita Tangerang, Persik Kediri, PSGC Ciamin (Indonesia), Al-Ain (UAE), De Abasin Sape (Afghanistan), Perth Glory (Australia).
OFC - AS Manu-Ura (Tahiti).

2. Burgundy (includes burgundy+white, or similar shades: maroon, claret, dark red, wine red) - [74 clubs]
Notable teams: AC Torino, Metz, Sparta Prague, CFR Cluj.
Other teams (by conference):
UEFA (photo gallery here) - FK Sarajevo (Bosnia), Chelmsford City, FC Northampton Town (England), JJK Jyväskylä (Finland), Dynamo Berlin (Germany), AEL Larissa (Greece), UM Selfoss (Iceland), Galway United (Ireland), Reggina, Cittadella, Salernitana, Trapani, Livorno, US Pontedera, Arezzo, Reggio Audace FC, Fano, US Capistrello, AC Morrone, AC Locri, ASD Bovalinese, Borgosesia Calcio, Milano City FC, Union Clodiense Chioggia, USD Breno, Olympia Agnonese, ASD Travestere Calcio, AC Nardo, ASD Citta di Acireale (Italy), FC Džiugas Telšiai (Lithuania), Nardo FK (Norway), CD Fatima, Clube Oriental de Lisboa (Portugal), Rapid Bucharest, Viitorul Ianca (Romania), AC Libertas (San Marino), Heart of Midlothian FC, Stenhousemuir FC (Scotland), NK Triglav Kranj (Slovenia), Independiente de Vallecas, CD Cenicero (Spain), Hatayspor, İnegölspor, Bandirmaspor, Elazigspor (Turkey), Cardiff Metropolitan University FC (Wales).
Rest of the World (photo gallery here):

COMNEBOL - Lanús (Argentina), Jacuipense, Ferroviaria, S.E.R. Caxias do Sul (Brasil), Deportivo Liberacion (Paraguay), Club Atletico Torino (Peru), Carabobo FC (Venezuela)
CONCACAF - Sacramento Republic FC (USA), Valour FC (Canada), Deportivo Saprissa (Costa Rica)
CAF - Manzini Wanderers FC (Eswatini), Generation Foot (Senegal), Moroka Swallows FC (South Africa)
AFC - Vissel Kobe, FC Ryukyu (Japan), Al Wahda (UAE), Al Markhiya (Qatar), Shahr Khodro FC (Iran), Al Nasr SC (Kuwait), PSM Makassar (Indonesia), Nejmeh SC (Lebanon)
OFC - Matavera FC (Cook Islands), FC Guadalcanal (Solomon Islands).

3. Orange (includes orange+white) - [54 clubs]
--- full photo gallery here ---

UEFA - HNK Sibenik (Croatia), Blackpool (England) SV TEC (Netherlands), Hapoel Rishon LeZion (Israel), Pistoiese (Italy), FK Banga Gargzdai (Lithuania), Bruk-Bet Termalica Nieciecza, Zagłębie Lubin (Poland), CD Burgos Promesas (Spain), AFC Eskiltuna (Sweden), Alanyaspor, Adanaspor (Turkey), FC Mariupol (Ukraine).
COMNEBOL - Nova Iguaçu FC (Brazil), Cobresal, Cobreloa (Chile) Envigado FC (Colombia), Universidad César Vallejo (Peru).
CONCACAF - Houston Dynamo, Rio Grande Valley Football Club Toros (USA), Deportivo Achuapa (Guatemala), Cibao FC (Dominican Republic), Guayama FC (Puerto Rico)
CAF - RS Berkane (Morocco), FC Nouadhibou (Mauritania), Polokwane City FC (South Africa), Akwa United (Nigeria), Dire Dawa Kenema (Ethiopia), Salitas FC (Burkina Faso), Côte d'Or FC (Seychelles), Fosa Juniors FC (Madagascar)
AFC - Jeju United FC (South Korea). Shimizu S-Pulse, Omiya Ardija (Japan), Ratchaburi, Sukhothai FC, Nakhon Ratchasima, Sisaket FC, Kasetsart FC, Udon Thani FC (Thailand), FELDA United (Malaysia), SHB Đà Nẵng (Vietnam), Albirex FC Singapore, Hougang United FC (Singapore), Borneo FC (Indonesia), Sporting Clube de Goa, FC Goa, NEROCA FC (India), Saipa FC (Iran), Sanat Mes Kerman (Iran), Brothers Union FC (Bangladesh), Ajman Club (UAE), UMM Salal (Qatar), Al-Hala SC (Bahrain).
OFC - AS Lössi (New Caledonia)

4. Pink (includes pink+black) - [7 clubs]

UEFA - Palermo (Italy), Wexford FC (Ireland)
COMNEBOL - Sport Boys Callao (Peru)
CAF - Herentals College FC (Zimbabwe)
AFC - CLB Saigon (Vietnam), Chainat Hornbill FC (Thailand), EVO United (Laos).

5. Cream - [3 clubs]
Universitario, Universidad Tecnica Cajamarca, Leon de Huanuco (all from Peru).

6. Grey - [5 clubs]

UEFA - Alessandria Calcio (Italy)
COMNEBOL - Tigres FC (Colombia)
CONCACAF - Deportivo Carchá (Guatemala)
AFC - Al-Tai FC (Saudi Arabia), Club Green Streets (Maldives)

7. Brown (includes brown+white) - [7 clubs]

UEFA - FC St.Pauli (Germany), Mjøndalen IF (Norway), RKS Garbarnia Kraków (Poland)
COMNEBOL - Club Atletico Platense (Argentina)
CAF - Sidama Coffee FC (Ethiopia)
AFC - Al-Jabalain (Saudi Arabia)

CATEGORY II - Teams with 2 main colors

1. Green + Red [34 clubs]
Notable teams: Lokomotiv Moscow, Maritimo Funchal
Other teams (full photo galllery here):

UEFA - CS Sedan Ardennes, US Lusitanos Saint Maur (France), Alba Adriatica, Union Feltre (Italy), Speranța Drochia (Moldova), SP Cailungo (San Marino), Amio SD, Laracha CF, Apurtuarte Club, CF Jacetano (Spain), Amed SK, Karşıyaka S.K., Diyarbakirspor (Turkey)
COMNEBOL - Club Agropecuario, Sportivo Atlético Club Las Parejas (Argentina), Portuguesa RJ, Pato Branco EC (Brazil), Boston River (Uruguay)
CONCACAF - AD Carmelita, AD Guanacasteca (Costa RIca), SV Robinhood (Suriname)
CAF - Stade Tunisien (Tunisia), MC Alger, JSM Bejaia (Algeria), Africa Sports d'Abidjan (Ivory Coast), Teichman City FC (Ghana), Canon Yaounde (Cameroon), Defense Force SC (Ethiopia), AS Pikine (Senegal), Masters Security FC (Malawi).
AFC - Lokomotiv Tashkent (Uzbekistan), Adamstown Rosebud FC (Australia).

2. Green + Blue [16 clubs]
Notable teams: Seattle Sounders
Other teams (full photo gallery here):

UEFA - Seravezza Pozzi Calcio, Feralpisalò (Italy), FK Zemun (Serbia), CD Berceo, SD Ordenes (Spain), Çaykur Rizespor
COMNEBOL - Atletico Guanare (Venezuela)
CONCACAF - Hartford Athletic (USA), Santa Tecla FC (El Salvador), Deportivo Mixco (Guatemala), Montego Bay United (Jamaica)
CAF - Misr Lel Makasa (Egypt)
AFC - Shonan Bellmare (Japan), Samut Prakan City FC (Thailand), Al Shoula FC (Saudi Arabia).

3. Blue + Azure (or any other combination of two shades of blue) [28 clubs]
Notable teams: Zenit St. Petersburg, Sydney FC
Other teams (full photo gallery here):

UEFA - Rukh Brest (Belarus), Wycombe Wanderers FC (England), AC Le Havre, Trelissac Foot (France), Avondale United FC (Ireland), UC AlbinoLeffe, Calcio Lecco 1912 (Italy), Zejtun Corinthians (Malta), Portstewart FC (Northern Ireland), Stabaek (Norway), Progresul Spartac Bucharest (Romania), OFK Bačka (Serbia), Florida CF (Spain), Husqvarna FF (Sweden), Adana Demirspor, Ankara Demirspor (Turkey), Cambrian & Clydach Vale (Wales)
COMNEBOL - Macará (Ecuador)
CONCACAF - Sporting Kansas City, El Paso Locomotive (USA), Municipal Perez Zeledon (Costa Rica)
AFC - Sorrento FC (Australia), Electricite du Cambodge (Cambodia), Punjab FC (India), Karachi Port Trust FC (Pakistan), Naft Al-Junoob SC (Iraq).

4. Orange + Blue [24 clubs]
Notable teams: Montpellier, Istanbul Bașakșehir
Other teams (full photo gallery here):

UEFA - OFC Sliven 2000 (Bulgaria), Braintree Town FC, Mansfield Town FC (England), Lions Gibraltar FC, ASD Czarlins Muzane (Italy), Aalesunds FK (Norway), AE Roses (Spain)
COMNEBOL - Duque de Caxias (Brazil), Academia Puerto Cabello (Venezuela)
CONCACAF - FC Cincinnati (USA), Lobos UPNFM (Honduras)
CAF - Real Kings FC (South Africa), Sunshine Stars (Nigeria)
AFC - Albirex Niigata (Japan), Queensland Lions FC, Riverside Olympic (Australia), Wellington United (New Zealand), Thai Port FC (Thailand), Al Fayha (Saudi Arabia), Al Karamah SC (Syria), Homenetmen Beirut (Lebanon)
OFC - AS Dragon (Tahiti).

5. Orange + Green [5 clubs]

UEFA - Atletico Cenaia (Italy)
CONCACAF - Deportivo Siquinala (Guatemala)
CAF - FC Renaissance du Congo (DRC), ZESCO United, Green Eagles FC (Zambia)

6. Orange + Grey [2 clubs]
AFC Odorheiu Secuiesc (Romania), Forge FC (Canada).

7. Orange + Purple [1 club] - FK Armavir (Russia)

8. Purple + Yellow [6 clubs]

UEFA - Bosna Visoko (Bosnia), PEPO Laapenranta (Finland), VV Sint Bavo (Netherlands), Burjassot CF (Spain), Eyüpspor (Turkey)
CAF - Medeama SC (Ghana)

9. Claret + Yellow / Amber [4 clubs]

UEFA - Bradford City AFC (England) Motherwell (Scotland), USD Alto Tavoliere San Severo (Italy)
CAF - Young Buffaloes (Eswatini).

10. Claret + Gold [2 clubs]
Deportes Tolima (Colombia), Stellenbosch FC (South Africa)

11. Claret + Blue [22 clubs]
Notable teams: Aston Villa, Burnley, West Ham United, Trabzonspor
Other teams (full photo gallery here):

UEFA - Enosis Neon Paralimni FC (Cyprus), Scunthorpe United, Weymouth FC (England), Argja Bóltfelag (Feroe), Glacis United (Gibraltar), Cobh Ramblers FC, Drogheda United (Ireland), USD Vipo Trento, FC Rieti (Italy), Gzira United (Malta), Veles Moscow (Russia), Keith FC (Scotland), Pontevedra CF (Spain), AC Bellinzona (Switzerland), Colwyn Bay FC (Wales)
CONCACAF - Colorado Rapids (USA)
AFC - APIA Leichhardt FC (Australia)
OFC - Nasinu Masters FC (Fiji)

12. Claret + Green [1 club] - Ciudad de Plasencia CF (Spain)

13. Pink + Blue [5 clubs]

UEFA - Dulwich Hamlet FC (England)
CONCACAF - Forward Madison FC (USA)
AFC - Cerezo Osaka, Sagan Tosu (Japan), Nongbua Pitchaya FC (Thailand).

14. Brown + Blue [1 club] - Al-Kawkab FC (Saudi Arabia)

15. Brown + Yellow [2 clubs]
Trujillanos FC (Venezuela), Ohod Club (Saudi Arabia)

16. Brown + Amber [1 club] - Sutton United (England)

17. Grey + Red [4 clubs]
UEFA - Cremonese (Italy), Pembroke Athleta FC (Malta), Strommen IF (Norway), Club Esportiu Jupiter (Spain).

18. Grey + Blue [2 club]

COMNEBOL - Emelec (Ecuador)
CONCACAF - Minnesota United (USA)

19. Lime Green + Black [10 clubs]

UEFA - Forest Green Rovers (England), NK Dravograd, NK Krka (Slovenia)
COMNEBOL - Atletico Socopo FC (Venezuela)
CONCACAF - FC Juarez/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/65040157/1166117342.jpg.0.jpg) (Mexico)
CAF - Dreams FC (Ghana)
AFC - Jeonbuk Hyundai FC (South Korea), Xinjiang Tianshan Leopard FC (China), Lampang FC (Thailand), Tainan City F.C. (Taiwan)

20. Lime Green + White [1 club] - Pirata FC (Peru)

CATEGORY III - Teams with 3 main colors

1. Blue + Yellow + Red [3 clubs]

UEFA - FC Andorra (Spain)
CAF - Petro Atletico (Angola), Hearts of Oak (Ghana)

2. Blue + Yellow + White [1 club] - CA Bella Vista (Uruguay)

3. Blue + Yellow + Black [1 club] - Real Sport Clube (Portugal)

4. Blue + Green + White [1 club] - St. Louis FC (USA)

5. Blue + Orange + White [2 clubs]

RBC Roosendaal, ONS Sneek (Netherlands)

6. Orange + Green + Black [1 club] - Venezia (Italy)

7. Orange + Green + White [1 club] - Deportivo Masaya (Nicaragua)

8. Green + Yellow + Black [1 club] - GKS Jastrzębie (Poland)

9. Green + Yellow + Red [4 clubs]

UEFA - KV Oostende (Belgium), UD San Lorenzo del Flumen (Spain)
COMNEBOL - Sampaio Correa FC (Brasil)
CONCACAF - Tornados de Humacao (Puerto Rico)

10. Green + Red + White [13 clubs]
Notable teams: Fluminense
Other teams:

UEFA - Lanusei Calcio (Italy), CD Fortuna, Racing Club Villalbes (Spain)
COMNEBOL - Operário Várzea-Grandense, Salgueiro AC (Brazil), Palestino (Chile), Colon FC (Uruguay)
CONCACAF - Atletico Chiriqui (Panama)
CAF - USM Bel-Abess (Algeria)
AFC - Marconi Stallions (Australia), Al-Ettifaq (Saudi Arabia), Al-Wehdat SC (Jordan)

11. Green + Red + Black [11 clubs]

UEFA - Ternana, Grassina Calcio, ASD Vis Artena (Italy), NEC Nijmegen (Netherlands), Glentoran (Northern Ireland), GKS Tychy (Poland), CD Soto de la Vega (Spain).
COMNEBOL - Club Atletico San Jorge (Argentina), Rampla Juniors, Deportivo Maldonado (Uruguay)
CAF - FAR Rabat

12. Green + Black + White [2 clubs]

Racing Santander (Spain), York9 FC (Canada)

13. Green + Burgundy + White [2 clubs]

Sancataldese Calcio (Italy), Mohun Bagan (India)

14. Red + Orange + Black [1 club] - Nagoya Grampus (Japan)

15. Red + Yellow + Black [8 clubs]

UEFA - Mechelen (Belgium), Bradford AFC Park Avenue (England), RC Lens (France), Virtus Bassano (Italy)
CONCACAF - Leones Negros Univ. de Guadalajara (Mexico)
CAF - Esperance Tunis, ES Zarzis, ES Metlaoui (Tunisia)

16. Claret + Blue + Yellow [1 club] - Madureira EC (Brazil)

17. Pink + Blue + White [1 club] - Yangon United (Myanmar)

Category IV - Teams with 4 main colors

1. Red + Yellow + Green + White [4 clubs]

COMNEBOL - Brusque (Brazil), Lota Schwager (Chile), Real Cartagena (Colombia)
OFC - Lae City FC (Papua New Guinea)

2. Red + Yellow + Blue + White [1 club] - ASDC Verbania (Italy)

3. Red + Yellow + Blue + Black [1 club] - Coras de Nayarit (Mexico)

Here they are. 454 teams from across the entire the world, from Feroe Island to Papua New Guinea or the 4th Italian league. This should be about it. However, if there are by any chance teams that I might have missed, please feel free to leave a comment and I will add them on the list.
Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed it!

[OC] What if every world cup team had the same population? - Group C

Hello again all, trying to distract myself from the fact that it’s already May, I’ve put my matching Friday pants and socks set on to bring you another edition of the alternative World Cup. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the premise of this series why not indulge yourself in the last two groups.
Group A, Group B
Whilst yesterday featured a group with sprinkles of quality throughout, I’m afraid to say this gathering is a little one-sided. One African team dwarfs three squads of an Asian persuasion, so with more utopian island spots than full time pro’s on display, I’ll try my utmost not to drift into a Thomas Cook holiday blog, no promises though.
Group C
West Africa
Togo, Ghana, Côte d'Ivoire, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Guinea, Guinnea Bissau, Senegal, The Gambia, Mauritania, Mali, Burkina Faso, Western Sahara, Algeria, Morrocco
Population (millions): 240.19
When it comes to brainchildren it’s strongly advised not to have favourites, but between you and me this is the funnest squad of the lot.
Similarly to Eastern Europe, West Africa has often been a hive of sporting talent restrained by the labyrinth of borders within its confines. George Weah, Emmanuel Adebayor, Yaya Toure, Didier Drogba and Abedi Pele are some notable stars of the past, but the conveyor belt of sporadic world-class attacking talent over the last 30 years appears to have crescendoed into a full blown production line of stars in every outfield position.
Something that my hypothesis can’t fairly simulate is what affect an open plan Africa would have on the decision making of some of our games Euro-Africano elite. N’Golo Kante is of Malean descent whilst fellow Parisian Paul Pogba boasts his Guinean parentage. It would be a safe bet to assume at least some juggling would take place with the region's newfound affluence, but until I am able to read the minds of millionaire athletes I’m not going to touch the subject with a barge pole, besides I think I’d go for the sort codes well before I look at their national preference.
What we DO have however is a terrific squad on paper that will continue to improve as the years continue, with 17 year old Barcelona wunderkind Ansu Fati hailing from Guinea-Bissau, as long as he doesn’t succumb to a Spanish inquisition.

Goalkeepers				Birthplace	FM20	Value	Age
Edouard Mendy	SEN	Rennes	GK	Montivilliers, France	65	€4.40	28
Yassine Bounou	MAR	Sevilla	GK	Montreal, Canada	68	€10.00	29
Defenders
Faouzi Ghoulam	ALG	Napoli	LB	Saint-Priest, France	72	€17.10	29
Dakonam Djene	TOG	Getafe	CB	Dapaong	74	€26.80	28
Kalidou Koulibaly	SEN	Napoli	CB	Saint-Die, France	84	€64.30	28
Achraf Hakimi	MAR	B. Dortmund	RWB	Madrid, Spain	72	€23.30	21
Eric Bailly	CIV	Man United	CB	Bingerville	72	€31.40	26
Salif Sane	SEN	Schalke 04	CB	Lormont, France	69	€9.00	29
Serge Aurier	CIV	Tottenham	RB	Ouragahio	70	€19.90	27
Kwadwo Asamoah	GHA	Inter Milan	LWB	Accra	74	€21.10	31
Midfielders
Riyad Mahrez	ALG	Man City	RW	Sarcelles, France	77	€62.00	29
Hakim Ziyech	MAR	Ajax	CAM	Dronten, Netherlands	79	€42.80	27
Thomas Partey	GHA	Atleti	CDM	Krobo Odumase	76	€33.40	26
Naby Keita	GUI	Liverpool	CM	Conakry	78	€52.20	25
Ismaila Sarr	SEN	Watford	RW	Saint-Louis	67	€22.20	22
Pepe	CIV	Arsenal	RW	Mantes-la-Jolie, France	76	€45.60	24
Idrissa Gana Gueye	SEN	PSG	CDM	Dakar	75	€28.80	30
Amine Harit	MOR	Schalke	CAM	Pontoise, France	69	€10.07	22
Forwards
Sadio Mane	SEN	Liverpool	LF	Sedhiou	90	€92.40	28
Wilfried Zaha	CIV	Crystal Palace	CF	Abidjan	77	€59.60	27
Moussa Marega	MLI	Porto	ST	Les Ulis, France	70	€16.80	29
Islam Slimani	ALG	Monaco	ST	Algiers	68	€19.80	31
				Average/Totals	74	€712.90	27.13636364

A difficult pick but I’ve settled on a squad that could play in numerous formations, Sadio Mané and Riyad Mahrez are two of the Premier Leagues most potent wide players whilst the midfield is a superfluity of athleticism and technique.
The likes of Feghouli, Kessie and Gervinho didn’t survive the longlist but the competition was stiff. I’m not overly happy with the inclusion of goal starved Islam Slimani but the area is surprisingly scarce of talented out and out forwards.
If this team fails to collect all nine points in this group it would be the worst thing to happen to West Africa since Di Caprio’s accent in Blood Diamond.
South India & Arabian Sea
6 Indian provinces (Karnataka, Kerala, Tamil Nadu, Andhra Pradesh, Goa), Sri Lanka, Maldives
Population (millions):239.70
Another region that practises footballing atheism, this was one of the most difficult to research. But if any documentarians want to make this into a series then I’d be happy to take some time out to fly out and research the Maldives for a while.
The two island nations donate their services to an uninspiring mess of Indian nonentity. Including the world’s sixth highest scoring active player Ali Ashfaq, never heard of him? Nah me neither.

Goalkeepers				Birthplace	FM20	Value	Age
Kamaljit Singh	IND	Hyderabad	GK	Goa	24	€0.02	24
Chathura Ekanayake	SRI	Eagles Malé	GK	Sri Lanka	22	€0.00	27
Defenders
Anas Edathodika	IND	ATK	CB	Kerala	33	€0.03	33
Adil Khan	IND	Hyderabad	RB	Goa	32	€0.02	31
Mandar Rao Dessal	IND	Mumbai City	LB	Goa	31	€0.02	28
Lenny Ridrigues	IND	Goa	CDM	Goa	24	€0.02	32
Mohamed Imtiyas	SRI	Renown	CB	Kotahena	25	€0.01	24
Akram Abdul Ghanee	MDV	Valencia (MDV)	CB	Maafaru	28	€0.01	33
Edwin Sydney	IND	Chennaiyin	RWB	Kerala	21	€0.01	27
Asikur Alawadeen	SRI	Pelicans	CB	Kurunegala	23	€0.01	26
Midfielders
Brandon Fernandes	IND	Goa	CAM	Goa	33	€0.03	25
Rowllin Borges	IND	Mumbai City	CDM	Goa	32	€0.02	27
Sahal Abdul Samad	IND	Kerala Blasters	CM	Kerala	34	€0.04	23
Michael Soosairaj	IND	ATK	CM	Tamil Nadu	32	€0.03	25
Nikhil Poojari	IND	Hyderabad	CM	Karnataka	29	€0.02	24
Ahmed Razeek	SRI	Berliner AK	CDM	Berlin	44	€0.06	26
Mohamed Umair	MDV	Maziya	CM	Malé	27	€0.01	20
Romeo Fernandes	IND	Odisha	RM	Goa	23	€0.02	27
Forwards
Ashique Kuruniyan	IND	Bengaluru	CF	Kerala	35	€0.04	22
Jobby Justin	IND	ATK	ST	Kerala	28	€0.02	26
CK Vineeth	IND	Jamshedpur	ST	Kerala	27	€0.02	31
Ali Ashfaq	MDV	Club Green Streets	ST	Malé	27	€0.01	34
				Average/Totals	29	€0.47	27.04545455

Ali Ashfaq has officially netted 463 times in his now 19 year career. Haters will say most of that was in the Maldivian league but I think I’d only be able to score half that amount so fair play to him.
The most notable islander is German born Sri Lankan Ahmed Razeek, the Berliner came through the ranks at now-Bundesliga team Union Berlin, but finds himself playing fourth tier football at the time of writing. At 25, Razeek only dedicated his services to Golden Lion in 2019, a bit of European experience may help the nation who have commanded just four wins in the last five years.
India’s most promising contribution to the side is 22 year old Ashique Kuruniyan, the young forward lacks goals but is known as something of a playmaker, Kuruniyan to Ashfaq could be the new Ozil to Ronaldo, but realistically I think this team will be lucky to find the net at all if the ratings are anything to Goa on.
Oceania and Southeast Asia
Australia, American Samoa, Cook Islands, Fiji, Kiribati, New Caledonia, New Zealand, Niue, Papua New Guinea, Samoa, Solomon Islands, Tahiti, Tonga, Tuvalu, Vanuatu, Cambodia, Singapore, Phillipines, Malaysia, 11 Indonisian Provinces (Papua, West Papua, Maluku, North Maluku, Sulawesi Island, East Nusa Tenggara, West Nusa Tenggara)
Population: 231.57
I almost broke the comma button on my laptop writing out all those islands, and it still doesn’t quite reach 240m. The pacific islands are home to some of the worst national teams out there, none more infamous than American Samoa who hold the record for the biggest ever defeat in international football, a 31-0 loss to Australia. If anyone hasn’t seen the documentary that was inspired subsequently to the loss, ‘next goal wins’ is perhaps my favourite football film and couldn’t recommend it highly enough when trying to explain the humanity of playing football in this part of the world.
The antagonists of the Samoan’s defeat, Australia have since changed confederations from lack of challenge. Joining the Asian Football Confederation in early 2006, the Socceroo’s have since won the Asian Cup on home soil and qualified for each of the previous four iterations of the World Cup. In 2006 a ‘golden generation’ fronted by Harry Kewell and Tim Cahill narrow missed out on a quarter final berth being beaten by eventual champions Italy in the 95th minute thanks to a controversial penalty.
While the likes of Kewell, Cahill and Mark Schwarzer have long since retired, the Aussies produce a modest yet constant procession of pro’s. Along with fellow anglophone New Zealand, the select Oceanic islanders often choose a path of playing in England’s football pyramid, with a few Premier League stalwarts found within the squad below.
Southeast Asia has a curious footballing culture, a strong general interest in the European game with seemingly little rewards for their appropriation, no malaysians manage to sneak into the selection whilst the Phillipines’ most famous athlete behind Manny Pacquiao only makes back up keeper.

Goalkeepers				Birthplace	Football manager	Value	Age
Matthew Ryan	AUS	Brighton	GK	Plumpton	66	€15.80	28
Neil Etheridge	PH	Cardiff	GK	London, England	64	€11.00	30
Defenders
Winston Reid	NZ	West Ham	CB	Auckland	66	€14.50	31
Milos Degenek	AUS	Red Star	CB	Knin, Croatia	62	€1.30	26
Trent Sainsbury	AUS	Maccabi Haifa	RB	Thornlie	60	€0.88	28
Bailey Wright	AUS	Bristol City	CB	Melbourne	59	€3.30	27
Wesley Lautoa	NCA	Dijon	CB	Epernay, France	62	€2.20	32
Aziz Behich	AUS	Basaksehir	LB	Melbourne	60	€2.20	29
Brad Smith	AUS	Bournemouth	LWB	Penrith	63	€9.50	26
Stephan Schrock	PHI	Cares	RB	Schweinfurt, Germany	57	€0.77	33
Midfielders
Aaron Mooy	AUS	Brighton	CM	Sydney	70	€26.70	29
Tom Rogic	AUS	Celtic	CAM	Griffith	67	€11.90	27
Mathew Leckie	AUS	Hertha Berlin	CM	Melbourne	65	€4.80	29
Robbie Kruse	AUS	Mebourne Victory	RM	Brisbane	64	€1.30	31
Awer Mabil	AUS	Mitdtjylland	RW	Kakuma, Kenya	63	€1.50	24
Craig Goodwin	AUS	Al-Wehda	LM	Adelaide	58	€4.60	28
Ryan Thomas	NZ	PSV	CDM	Te Puke	65	€6.50	25
Massimo Luongo	AUS	Sheffield W	CDM	Sydney	62	€7.80	27
Forwards
Chris Wood	NZ	Burnley	ST	Auckland	67	€23.40	28
Adam Taggart	AUS	Suwon Bluewings	ST	Perth	62	€0.84	26
Aposrolos Giannou	AUS	AEK Larnaka	ST	Nousa, Greece	63	€1.30	30
Daniel Arzani	AUS	Celtic	CF	Khorramabad, Iran	60	€8.20	21
				Average/Totals	63	€160.29	29.68181818

As you can see the team is dominated by Aussie and Kiwi men, but there is some polynesian persuasion in the way of Wesley Lautoa who takes restbite trying to defend the likes of Neymar, Mbappe and Depay by bullying semi-pro strikers playing for New Caledonia.
Daniel Arzani is the best bet for a future talisman, despite really struggling to make the grade in Europe he’s still only 21 and could yet fulfil his potential. The Celtic forward has impeccable technical ability and has an eye on one day becoming a regular at his parent club Man City.
Chris Wood has a Premier League goal record that any striker would be proud of and is the archetypal Sean Dyche forward, but I would suggest that his physical play style precedes his genuine international quality. New Zealand famously exited the 2010 World Cup as the only side to leave undefeated, and part of that was due to the defensive talents of Winston Reid, who at that time was a 21 year old padawan learner to Blackburn hero Ryan Nelson. Now 31, The former West Ham captain Reid leads this sides defensive line where he’ll do his best to make the younger lads do most of the legwork.
Neil Etheridge is unlucky not to be the standout number one in this team, the keeper come underwear model caught the eyes of English fans saving three penalties in the 2018-19 season, although when on loan to Bristol Rovers he caught a free-kick and stepped backwards into his own goal, don’t think we’ve forgotten Neil.
Western China
9 Chinese Provinces (Feng Jin, Gansu, Shaanxi, Sichaun, Tibet, Xinjiang Uygur, Ningxia, Qinghai)
Population (millions): 256.25
A little over the limit for this one but you wouldn’t notice from the squad. The west of China is the least densely populated region and the one with the least investment in the club game, so it is no surprise that there is correlation to the talent, or lack thereof.
Every metric I’ve used in research points to this being the Chinese team that will struggle the most, the bulk of the players hail from Sichuan, which since we’re on reddit may give most of you PTSD of Rick and Morty fans standing on McDonalds counters.
None of the following players featured in the most recent Chinese national squad. In a sporting wilderness that hasn’t been invited to the game of Monopoly out east, you can’t blame this side for underwhelming.

Goalkeepers				Birthplace	FM20	Value	Age
Wang QI	CHI	Shaanxi Athletic	GK	Shaanxi	35	€0.60	27
Yerjet Yerzat	CHI	Chongqing Lifan	GK	Xinjiang Uygur	36	€0.72	27
Defenders
Yang Xiaotian	CHI	Jiangsu Suning	LB	Shaanxi	40	€1.40	30
Wang Erzhuo	CHI	Shaanxi Athletic	CB	Shaanxi	28	€0.24	33
Alishat	CHI	Xinjiang Sport Lottery	CB	Xinjiang	40	€0.43	25
Zhang Ao	CHI	Xinjiang Sport Lottery	RB	Shanxi	28	€0.37	29
Liu Yu	CHI	Shanghai Shenxin	CB	Sichuan	30	€0.44	25
Zhou Xuri	CHI	Dalian Yifang	CB	Sichuan	29	€0.30	21
Otkur Hesen	CHI	Sichaun Jiuniu	LB	Xinjiang	20	€0.00	27
Bari Mamatil	CHI	Qiangdao Huanghai	RWB	Xinjiang	39	€1.50	31
Midfielders
Peng Xinli	CHI	Shanghai Shenhua	CM	Shanxi	47	€2.60	29
Mirahmetjan Muzepper	CHI	Shanghai SIPG	CAM	Xinjiang	46	€3.30	29
Zhang Xiuwei	CHI	Guangzhou E	CM	Sichuan	46	€2.70	24
Luo Senwen	CHI	Hebei China Fortune	CDM	Sichuan	44	€2.10	27
Li Yuanyi	CHI	Shenzhen	CM	SIchuan	42	€1.30	26
Zhang Chiming	CHI	Tianjin	RW	SIchuan	38	€1.10	31
Shewket Yalqun	CHI	Guangzhou E	LW	Xinjiang	33	€0.94	27
Yehya	CHI	Xinjiang Tianshan	CM	Xinjiang	24	€0.24	32
Forwards
Yan Dinghao	CHI	Gondomar	CF	Sichuan	45	€2.40	22
Li Fang	CHI	Chongqing Lifan	ST	Sichuan	34	€1.30	27
Gan Yingbo	CHI	Sichaun Longfor	CF	Sichuan	24	€0.16	35
Abduhamit Abdugheni	CHI	Jiangsu Suning	CF	Shaanxi	35	€0.75	23
				Average/Totals	36	€24.89	27.59090909

Finding a 22 was a real struggle and there is an imbalance of positions to show for it. The only true striker is Chongqing’s Li Fang, who is officially listed as a striker-come-right back which is an oddly specific duology of skills.
The squad is predominantly composed of players from the nations second tier CL1, which to enlight the general reader means they probably aren’t going to win the tournament.
Another day another group, tomorrow we finally see one of the long anticipated Western European megasquads, and play a game of spot the Uzbekistani. Thanks again for reading, let me know if you think I've missed anyone from the squads or made an error and try to have a stab at the starting XI’s for today's teams.

World Cup ref banned by FIFA had 6-year match-fixing history. FIFA investigators said Joseph Lamptey of Ghana had "a history of being suspended for poor performances," and typically awarded more penalties than other African referees.

[Table] I am a South African. Keen to debunk some stereotypes. AMA!

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Date: 2014-02-14
Link to submission (Has self-text)
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Questions	Answers
Do you know anyone who died of AIDS?	Nope, never even known anyone with AIDS (that I know of)
Is Afrikaans your first language?	It is my fathers first language, my second. English is my first.
Do you think Oscar Pistorius is guilty?	It's a dodgy story. I wouldn't be surprised if he were guilty. No, its not normal to be THAT paranoid, he's a bit crazy...
Is it normal to be that paranoid about security in your own house there?	Caning is illegal, has been since I've been in school.
Have you been caned?	It's relatively easy if you have the right tertiary education, and if you know what you want to do in life. Was pretty easy for me to find a job.
How hard or easy is it to get a job there?	Corruption is pretty big, to be honest. I hate it.
How much corruption is there?	I've disliked the ANC for the past 8-12 years. There is just something off about them. Not the political party I will be voting for this year.
On a scale of 1 to zef, how zef is South Africa?	Poes Zef my bru.
What do you eat often for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Is racism still serious in South Africa? If you are white or black, can you describe how your life has changed since Apartheid?	Breakfast: muesli and yoghurt.
	Lunch: usually a Sandwich with tuna and mayonnaise.
	Dinner: Whatever is on the table.
	Racism is still definitely prominent here, obviously a lot better than it was way back when. I would say it there is more of a racist undertone to many things here, other than the flat out racism we had in the early 90's (hope that makes sense).
	I am white, and I honestly can't tell you how my life has changed. Seeing as I'm only 24, the parts of my life that I can remember have always been post-apartheid. My parents were never racist, and I have always lived in "multi-racial" suburbs...
So do you get along well with the Dutch even though you live in South Africa?	Yea our white ancestors were all pretty much Dutch. One of our 11 official languages is Afrikaans (the youngest language in the world), which is essentially a mix of about 80% Dutch and 20% German.
What's your view on multiculturalism?	I love Holland! It is literally my 2nd best place in the world. The people are amazing, and I always try my hand at Dutch when I'm there.
Is it gonna work?	As for multiculturalism. Cape Town (the city I live in) is super multicultural. I love it. The idea of multiculturalism gets less popular the further outside of the city you go. For example, 30 minutes outside of the city is a suburb which is predominately white Afrikaners
Two hours? That's a long rape.	Otherwise known as "Valentines day fun" in SA.
Would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?	Tough one... I'll choose the latter, because the amount of duck meat I'd get off that dead duckhorse would be so damn good.
Haha thanks! Side of seriousness now. What do you think the west knows least about. What area just isn't really talked about that's a major problem over there?	I think the problem is that our problems (AIDS, racism, poverty etc) are the ONLY facts that are known about us. I could list thousands of good things about us, that would essentially outweigh the bad things.
	I was always met with: "how many times have you been mugged?" and "I'd like to come, but I'm scared for my safety"
	I have been here for 24 years, and have literally never been attacked, mugged or even harassed here.
Okay. So it's not as bad as the media here portrays it. That's good to hear. So what sports do you enjoy to watch/play there?	I love watching Football (soccer), Rugby and Cricket. Football is by far my favourite. I stopped playing it 2 years ago because of work commitments!
	I tried to understand American Football when I was in Orlando last month, but damn it was difficult.
Okay. Yeah American football isn't that hard once you understand it (isn't that true with every sport though). If someone was going to visit South Africa, what are the places you recommend and places that aren't good for visitors. Also any unspoken rules that would help to know while there?	Yea I was there during the Superbowl playoffs, so if I wanted to ask anyone what was going on, they'd usually be too drunk to answer me...
	The three best cities are: Cape Town, Johannesburg and Durban.
	Cape Town is the city I have lived in my whole life and is, IMO, the best place in SA.
	Johannesburg has two great safari parks (Pielansberg and Kruger National Park) Kruger National is a massive tourist attraction.
	Durban has the warm beaches and best all-round weather, and nothing much else to be honest.
	Cape Town has Table Mountain (google it, its beautiful), Robben Island (Where Mandela was imprisoned), some amazing beaches and awesome little restaurants. I think the NY Times just voted us 2014's number one destination in the world!
	Theres obviously so much more, but I've been put on the spot now so I cant think of it all :/
I love the sound of Afrikaans. I tried to learn it online a few years back but it's ridiculous how hard I found it. Teach me something silly to yell at my s.a. buddies! Also, cape town; should that be a place I visit? I've seen photos and it looks amazing.	Cape Town is my favorite place on earth. I'm obviously biased, but out of all the places I've been, CT is by far the best!
	The people, food, cultures, sights and weather are pretty much unparalleled.
	Are you talking swear words, or general funny stuff?
Oh wow. Table Mountain is amazing looking. Haha yeah talking to drunk fans is never fun. Well thanks for all the help. I'll ask again later if I think of anything!	Sweet, thanks for the interest dude!
Okay officially everyone I've ever asked about cape town tells me it's awesome. Now it's really going on my bucket list hah! Okay so if I call my friend a "vet fokker" (pronounced how it sounds?) would that be legit and totally correct? I gotta do it right if I'm gonna insult someone in a non native language right??	Haha yea vet fokker, which is pronounced like that, is pretty funny (or offensive, depending on how he takes things like that).
Speaking of which, do you think Leonardo DiCaprio butchered the south African accent in "blood diamond"?	Also, Leo did a decent job, it was more an 'Afrikaans South African speaking English' accent.
Doos drunk.	Lekker dronk my bru.
A bunch of my male friends (I'm female haha) play rugby on a team in the US... There are several South Africans on their rugby team, and I just have to add to this... I absolutely LOVE your accent. It's awesome.	Yea rugby is huge here! Seems like most South African males are built to play it!
	Its funny about the accent thing, most South Africans don't really like the accent, but the majority of Americans love it!
I heard that there's a "shift of power" in South Africa where the white people are the ruling class then it shifts and the black people are and it kinda goes back and forth. Was told to only visit there when the shift is in the white people's favor because I'm white or it'll be dangerous.	Not really sure how to answer this to be honest, other than the fact that its really untrue :P I'm pretty clueless when it comes to stuff like this, but the 'power' has been in the black mans hands for the last 20 years now (we haven't had a white president since Mandela became took power in '94) SA has become a thousand times better since then, obviously.
Anything even remotely resembling truth in that?
I don't think they meant the power as in the president or something, more like the general area is safe for one race and unsafe for the other and it kinda shifts back and forth.	There are certain incredibly impoverished areas, which are (unfortunately) only populated by black people. It has been that way for over 20 years now.
	Those areas are pretty much a no-go for anyone of any race (who doesn't live there).
	These areas are far from the central cities and tourist attractions though. Like I said in another comment, I have never been mugged, hurt or even harassed by anyone here in my 24 years (because I know where and where not to go)
Is this some SA reverse-racism, saying that 'obviously' SA could only get 1000x better if no white people had power?	Sorry if that was taken out of context. What I meant was that we have become better as a country since Apartheid, which ended 20 years ago.
I am a white Canadian who lived in Khayelitsha township for 2 months and I never got mugged. I walked alone a ton of times, mostly from home to work, which was about a 10 minute walk and I even drank in the local pubs. I have never felt more safe and at home as I have in Khayelitsha.	Thats awesome to hear! I've been there a few times too, never had a problem!
Aren't Boerboel's just great dogs?	They're awesome! My Aunt owned 2, they were the calmest dogs I had ever met, until someone tried to break in...
That somebody was fucked.	He was indeed. Crawled away with one item of clothing on (his socks)
I would love to visit but am worried about staying safe while seeing all aspects (Even Benedict Cumberbatch had a very intense altercation there!) What are your suggestions for vacations/visits? I'd love to see the great whites jumping at some point in my life.	False Bay, in Cape Town, is a huge spot for seeing sharks breach. There is a spot there called 'Seal Island', which is an obvious great white hotspot!
Would I have any troubles identifying myself as an American? I'm polite so usually it isn't any problems but some people will judge automatically and make things a little difficult.	No, we're pretty fascinated with the American culture. You will be seen as a bit of a celebrity by some South Africans. However, because of the reality shows we get over here (Jersey Shore, Honey Boo Boo etc.), there is a slight bit of prejudice towards Americans by SOME of us. It's pretty sad as well...
Why do you eat cold toast? It's so strange.	I've literally never done that.
Everyone in SA does this. I've seen it. In fact, I bet you're doing it right now.	It's our best kept secret, how did you find out?
I went there once. Belly of the beast.	I'm surprised you weren't taken over by some witchcraft which made you only ever want cold toast.
How weird would it be if you were him. Were you in Texas?	You said he was West African. That means he is from the Ghana, Cameroon, Ivory Coast region of Africa. South Africa is like a 9 hour flight from those places, so it's safe to say it wasn't me!
	Also, I'd remember if my girlfriends sister had a name as unique as yours :P.
Lol shes actually my sister in law. His name is Ruan. Sweet kid.	Ruan is definitely a South African name. It's a predominately Afrikaans name, which could explain why he was a bit conservative (Afrikaans people usually are)
What is your opinion of Muslims in South Africa?	Some of my closest friends are Muslim. It's a religion that really fascinates me!
	They are super friendly, hospitable and accommodating!
Do the economic inequalities look as bad in real life as they look on paper? Do you feel like you're living in (or, if such is the case, outside of...) a walled community?	No, I dont feel like I'm living in or outside of a walled community. I think many people in Johannesburg do, though.
	Having said that, I do think that the economic inequalities are pretty bad. I can drive about 30 minutes from my place and find an incredibly poor 'shanty town', where people have absolutely nothing. It sucks.
Do you surf? Is the surf culture in S. Africa as cool as it is in the movie Blue Crush 2?	I don't surf, but many of my friends do.
	I haven't seen BC2, but the culture is massive here. Durban and Cape Town are the two big hot spots. If you surf here, it's pretty much all you ever do.
What do you think about die antwoord? How are they percieved in general?	Die Antwoord are terrible advertisements for how South Africans really are. They're a parody of how a certain subculture of South Africans are. Their music is funny to us.
Do all South Africans have a crush on Elon Musk and for Charlize Theron?	Many find Charlize a bit of a plastic South African. Shes only a South African when it's convenient.
Anyway, how often do you see killer whales off the coast of South Africa? As a biologist who loves marine animals I'd love to know how frequent they are there!	We have the blue whales here on our coast, no Orcas. There is a small town about an hour from where I stay called Hermanus. It is a huge hotspot for whale watching in June and July each year!
What is the best beverage?	Depends on what you like, really. The craft beer in SA is amazing, some of the best I've had. We make some decent whiskys as well.
	Other than that, we have what you have!
Things you like about your country? Things you wish your country would improve on?	I wish we could improve on the poverty and corruption. That would eliminate 99% of the crime, IMO. Those are the major crutches that are holding us back from becoming a 1st world country, I feel.
	Other than that, I love absolutely everything. The different cultures are my favourite part. Your neighbor can be someone completely different to you, and I love it!
Do you like the health care in South Africa? It's universal right? In America there is a lot of propaganda saying people with universal health care don't like the quality of care they get, so I like to ask people that live in countries that provide it.	Healthcare is O.K at best. To be honest, being 24 years old means that I have been on my parent's Medical Aid my whole life, so I have had good health care. I need to start my own Medical Aid plan at 25, so I'll see...
	Some people I know hate the health care, some don't mind it.
I'd love to visit South Africa but hate going sight seeing to tourist destinations with all the hustling and bustling of tourists. I wanna see the real country with leisure. What all can I do over there? One of my favourite ways to explore a place is to get a motor bike and get into country lanes, far far from the cities. Bad idea?	Not at all, there are companies that rent out bikes and give you maps for that exact purpose! There are some amazing coastal roads/towns over here. The 'west coast route' and the 'garden route' are two immensely popular roads. Amazing scenery and fantastic little towns on the way!
Do you think Pistorious is guilty?	Wouldn't be surprised if he were found guilty. There's something funny about that whole story... But I'm no expert!
Excellent! And what would you say is the best way to do a safari?	The Kruger National Park in Johannesburg is by far the best. It is, however, swamped by tourists! There are small game farms all over the country, so if you want a more personal safari experience, I'd go with that!
Years ago, I was bartending in the French Quarter of New Orleans when a group of South African liquor distributors came in. I was actually doing my first training shift during a slow weekday lunch, and all of a sudden, the bar is full. They taught me (a guy) and my trainer (a girl) to say something in Afrikaans or whatever that hey told us was something to the effect of "hi, how are you?" They were having way too much fun whenever we said it, so I finally pried it out of one of them that it really meant something like "my pussy smells." It sounded something like "mi poose es guana"; what exactly was I saying, and how is it spelled?	Hahaha, well the first part: "my poes is..." means: "my vagina is..."
	Poes is a pretty rough word.
	As for the "guana" part, I'm honestly not sure what that is...
Why is biltong so goddamn amazing?	That is a question to which I do not know the answer. I just eat it and bask in its glory whenever I can.
Are you white or black? If you're white do you speak the dutch thingie?	I'm white, yea I speak Afrikaans, but English is my first language.
Have you ever sucked a golf ball through a garden hose?	It's something I do on a daily basis.
Fortunately you guys brought it over to the UK so us Brits can buy it from supermarkets now. Everyone wins!	Sweet! No more sneaking it through customs for my family!
I assume that you're a decendant of british colonists,do you think that you have any right to call yourself a South African?	Why wouldn't I have the right to call myself one? I get your point, but seeing as though I'm a 5th generation South African, I have as much a right to call myself one as anyone else.
	If I were to say that I wasn't a 'real' South African because of that, then no white South African would either.
Do you have diplomatic immunity?	Myself, no. Our government, pretty much...
Have you find any drollen in your drink water yet?	My drink water comes from a tap, which is connected to a reservoir that is miles from my house, so if there is anyone doing that, it's certainly not me :P
This is how the Brits viewed South Africa in the 80s. (I was 7-17 in that decade). Link to www.youtube.com.	Haha, thats quite a laugh. Pretty accurate for those times though, I suppose. We're all pretty nice these days!
I can personally vouch for at least 5 that I've met in the intervening years.	"our blood is green" is just the slogan for our hardcore rugby fans!
Plus about 40 or so who took over a bar in Sydney during the RWC 2003 and covered it in banners saying "Our blood is green!" and refused to leave after they got knocked out of the tournament :D.	Yea, we are terrible losers, luckily we made up for it in '07!
Are ostriches delicious?	They are. Ostrich biltong is the best thing ever.
Goe haan dit?	Lekker, en met jou?
Uk fuk ju ma. Pronounced "Ughk fuck jew maaahhh" I fucked your mom.	Haha!
I found that many people knew little to nothing about my side of the world. You can't have stereotypes when we know nothing about you. Honestly don't have a clue where I would begin.	Fair enough! Do yourself a favour and read up about us if you are interested. Read from Apartheid days 'til today. Try not to have any prejudiced thoughts (why arent all South Africans black, does he have AIDS if he is South African? etc) when meeting a South African. I have been asked both of those questions, and it's a bit embarrassing.
My sister has a ex from west africa. He was shocked how we young adults are vulgar. Is it typical to reign in yalls vulgarness or are we americans just raunchier then most.	What part of West Africa?
	I suppose it depends on how exposed you are to the "Western ways" through the media, and how vulgar you are as a person.
	I was pretty chilled out when in the USA. Nothing much shocks me these days to be honest, so I assume it was just a personal thing on his part to be shocked by it.
	Hope that makes sense!
Americans are ridiculously prudish if anything.	Compared to the Europeans, most definitely!
Yo what up, im from nz and we have mad liking to south Africa and hope you smash the auzzies, ye yeeeah.	The Aussies are doing a pretty good job at teaching us a lesson in Cricket right now though!
Assuming you speak Afrikaans - Can you also understand native Dutch (Afrikaans origines from Dutch, and so i can perfectly read Afrikaans, but not speak it at all)	The dialect and some words are a bit different, but I can understand about 95% of what Dutch people are saying to me! I can also read it perfectly.

Last updated: 2014-02-19 03:07 UTC
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[OC] An insight in the world of football kits - 454 teams that play in the most unusual colors